My Very Own Word

Recently, my roommates and I watched the movie "Eat, Pray, Love". I absolutely loved this movie for so many reasons. One of them, was the fact that during dinner, while she was in Italy, they went around the table and all declared a word for themselves at that moment in life. One word, to describe where they were in life and what they were doing. This led my roommates and I to search for our own word. However, I am finding this task to be more difficult than it may sound.

This afternoon, both my roommates gave me what they feel their word is. And I must say, both words really do suite them. But, I am still struggling with mine. So I went for a long walk on the water today, to try and decide what my word should be. I found myself having so many conversations...about all the crazy things going on in my life right now. Here are some of the words I came up with, altho I have not determined one yet:

Wander. I am in a place of wandering right now. And I don't necessarily think that it is negative. I don't have a clear view of what I want my career to be. I just know that it involves being in the world, being places where not many people go, and loving people. How that will turn out? I don't know. So I'm wandering. I've gone all kinds of directions. A church job, where I instantly begin to love people in the congregation. A bartender, where I listen to the troubles of my regulars who trust me explicitly, and love them as well. I've applied for positions in a variety of settings. I'm wandering through life at the moment. And altho it's hard, I think it's an okay place to be.

Building. (This word was Jeff's idea). I'm building a lot right now. I'm building relationships in my life. With Simon, with my family, with my friends. I'm building a trust level and a community level that I have never had. I'm building my career...in whatever it may be. I'm building a life...filled with people, places, adventures, travels, and love. But, the word "building" makes me really tired when I think of all the work I'm doing...so if you have synonyms that don't sound so...exhausting...let me know.

Giggle. I'm not sure why I thought of giggle. But I did. Laughing is great medicine. And I keep telling myself, that when things get rough, if I can find something to at least giggle about, it will be okay. So I strive to find the things in life that make me giggle. My roommate's random outbursts or strange questions, the little baby that stares at me for half an hour while I sip on coffee, the texts I get from Kathryn telling me the cute phrases coming out of the boys' mouths that day, or Ellen Degeneres's hilarious tweets. Things that make you giggle should always be sought after.

Surrender. I have this need to be in control of everything. This should not shock any of you. I'm a control freak. But there are things I really need to let go, and maybe this is a good time to do that. I need to let go of the pain from my past. I need to let go of the need to guard my heart around people. I need to let go of things people have done to me...and things I have done to people. However, I need to do more than just surrender...so I nixed that word.

Which brings me back to wander. But I just don't feel that's my word. So my quest is not over. I'm still trying to find my word for life. So for now, I think, my word will be "SEARCH". Until further notice...

So. What is your word?