Occupying Wall Street: In More Ways Than One.

The phrase "Occupy Wall Street" is very interesting for me. Because I do, actually occupy "Wall Street". However, I do so with a whole lot of questions and thoughts. Recently, I have been feeling very caught in between two different worlds. I’ve been conflicted in my thoughts and ideas about how I want to live my life, what I think is right and just, how I view the world around me, and essentially, how all of those ideas fit into the fact that I have to survive in a world that makes no sense to me.

I am sure that you all have at least heard about the “Occupy Wall Street” protests going on around the country. Some of you have probably been following from the beginning. Some of you have done your research and understand the actual reasoning, whether you support it or not. Some of you are making fun of them and getting all upset while not truly understanding their words. Some of you, while not being okay with the current situation in America, feel that places like Wall Street are not to blame. Some of you probably think that places like Wall Street can provide the solution to the problems we are facing. Some of you live in places where it doesn’t affect you so it’s just another big city news story. Some of you work in these industries, and feel insulted and uncomfortable that your hard work and money is being called into question right now. And, I hope, that somewhere, some of you are like me. Feeling like the people out there protesting this insane income difference, in a country that is supposed to have equal rights and opportunity, are YOUR people, however, you are sitting in a Wall Street office because it was the only choice you had at the moment.

I currently hold a position at a financial firm in Manhattan. I get up every morning around 6am, make my coffee, catch some of the early edition of Today, get ready, and go. I walk about 10 blocks to the subway, hold on for dear life for about 15 minutes, get off, fight my way through millions of other people, and arrive at my office building. I go through security, get on the elevator, go up 30 floors to get off, and use my finger print to open the glass doors to the company that currently employs me. I bid everyone a good morning, stopping to chat with a few people along the way about their evening shopping spree, wedding plans, the previous weekend of college football, or their new dog. I make my way to my desk, no later than 9am and begin my work day. Sometimes I work straight through lunch, surviving off the coffee I make and pop tarts that I threw in my bag at home, and I still don’t leave the office until 7pm. I’ve had to cancel plans with people on more than one occasion because I’ve been stuck finishing things up and could not leave. For 80% of people who work in this industry, this is what life looks like. And you barely pull in a salary good enough to cover your benefits, rent, food, and an occasional trip to visit family. Now, our bosses and executives are different. But, they don’t make up the majority of people working in these offices. And, most of us who are putting in 14 hour days, buying off-brand everything so rent is covered, and being so tired by Friday that all you want to do is curl into a ball all weekend, watch endless Law and Order marathons and ignore all phone calls and interactions with people, will never make executive or partner. Yes, we’ll get a raise so we can upgrade to Ragu pasta sauce instead of Target brand, but that’s about it. So why are we here? Well, those answers vary, depending on the person. Here is my answer:

At 25 years old, I would have never envisioned myself ever doing what I do right now. I’ve always been very much into non-profit work, church work, and justice work. I never thought I’d end up doing a 9-6 job in a company that essentially wires millions of dollars to places that already have millions of dollars, and leaving myself no time and energy to volunteer or actually make a difference in the world. Then I spent close to 4 months being unemployed, going on interview after interview, attending Bartending School to try and make money, babysitting and house sitting for friends, and wondering how to pay student loans, bills, rent, and various other things. So, imagine my relief when a guardian angel emailed me and told me to go meet with a friend of hers in Manhattan, who ran his own company. I go in for interview #1 with my resume in hand and heels on my feet, and immediately feel out of place in that environment. But, the lady interviewing me was wonderful and thought that I had a lot of energy and potential. I had no background in finance, other than fundraising and balancing a check-book (very badly at times), but the company liked what they saw, knew I had rock solid references, and took a chance on me after interview #2. After 4 months of nothing but frustration and disappointment, I found a company that not only hired me, but believed I could do the job before me, even without experience. With no other offers in sight, I took it without a second thought. Four months later, I’m still digging out of financial holes, but I’m much better off than I was and I’m incredibly lucky in comparison to others in similar situations.

Now I find myself in a different yet still conflicting situation: I’m watching people protest the place I work…yet, I find myself pulled to join them. I like what they are saying. I’m not okay with this insane income difference right now. But, to be completely honest with you, I don’t have the answers either. I don’t know what I want out of the protest or if I blame "Wall Street". But then again, if you truly get to the heart of this protest, neither do they. This protest is more about bringing attention to something that needs attention. It’s not about the “list of demands”. It’s an entirely different approach to protesting. An approach that is not all that new and surprising to many of these up and coming generations, but a way of peacefully (most of the time) taking their freedom of speech, stating their views, beliefs, and stories, but leaving the conversation about how to find a solution open…so that all sides can come to the table and figure out how to work for positive change. Ha, like America will actually go for that. But I can dream, can’t I?

I find myself wanting to join them, not to protest the work that my co-workers, and now friends, are doing. But to bring light to the fact that the 99% of people they are fighting for…also work on "Wall Street".  I’m part of a generation of young people who believe that you should put morals, callings, and desires before finances, you should protest and eat out of cans before taking a job that you do not believe in, you should “trust” that when you “follow your heart” everything has a happy ending. But that is exactly what I did not do, because I ran out of options and needed to try and make a life for myself, and I told myself that what I’m doing now is not permanent. It’s a stepping stone to something different, and a way of living at the current moment in time. And that was a good enough answer for me then.

But, where does that leave me in the middle of these protests and constantly feeling like I’m caught between two worlds? Well, exactly there. Feeling conflicted about my life, my next move, and which direction I need to head. And I imagine, you are going to find the majority of your “99%” that hold jobs on “Wall Street” feeling the exact same way.

The point of this blog was not to make an argument in favor of any particular side or viewpoint, but to open up the situation a little further: and point out that this is NOT black and white at all. In fact, for me, it’s all different shades of grey. Yes, something needs to change. Yes, people are suffering and hurting and are left with very few, if any, options. But, what that answer is? I have no clue. How do I, as a Christian, a full supporter of equal rights for ALL people, a lover of the environment, a supporter of health care reform, a young adult who has been to the poorest areas in the world and also the richest, who has fed a baby a bottle made from the most polluted water I’ve seen and also held a child dressed in a $150 cotton nightie, a worker who brings home her paycheck from a financial firm, and has a spirit that always wants to fix every little broken thing she finds, come up with the direction that brings about peace? I’m stumped…